Le donne che odiano i Pokemon

Oggi la Next ha deciso di dare voce al mio odio, per molti ingiustificato, per altri troppo contenuto, nei confronti del tormentone uscito da poche settimane che mi percuote le meningi solo a pensarci e affettuosamente nominato “Pokemon Go”.

In occasione di questo evento ci metto la faccia e mi presento: mi chiamo Mariana, si con una n (almeno il mio nome, per quanto astruso, lo so scrivere e non sono acida ma mi disegnano così), ho 18 + 10 anni e lavoro per la Next da un po’. Sono un’amante della vita in tutte le sue forme, causa anti litteram della mia ipocondria, mi piace mangiare, cucinare, scrivere, leggere, informarmi, guardare film o telefilm finché sonno non ci separi, prendermi cura delle persone che amo, sono la fan numero 1 di Peter Pan, ho la frangia come la bimba a sinistra (elemento non superfluo come si possa credere) e dulcis in fundo tendenzialmente sono per la pace nel mondo. Tendenzialmente si, perché da qualche tempo a questa parte covo un odio profondo ed incondizionato nei confronti dei Pokemon e naturalmente nei confronti di tutti coloro che ne fanno uso improprio, per quanto ignoro quale sia l’uso proprio…

Io pensavo ingenuamente che si fossero estinti e che ora vivessero in un’isola lontana lontana insieme ai dinosauri e invece no, tornano a squassarmi l’anima proprio in un momento già difficile di per se, come può essere stare a Roma a luglio. Ci tengo molto a questa mia intolleranza perché affonda le sue radici in un remoto passato: correva l’anno 1998 ed io ero in quinta elementare, quando i miei compagni di classe mi fecero conoscere il fantastico mondo di Pikachu, un mostriciattolo giallo nato da uno strano innesto tra un Teletubbies e la piccola e tenera Aidi. Sarà che io all’epoca ero immersa negli intrighi amorosi tra Rossana ed Erik, che cavolo se era figo, ma ero appena uscita dal tunnel del tamagotchi e sinceramente l’idea di giocare con altri amici immaginari non mi sconfinferava minimamente, così fin da subito guardai con sdegno a tutti quei bambini misteriosamente attratti da quei mostri sacri. Ero una bambina e i miei compagni di banco erano miei coetanei quindi per quanto considerassi stupido quello che facevano, li perdonai, mi convinsi che non era colpa loro, ero io troppo più intelligente e loro semplici bambini…

Beh sono passati esattamente 18 anni da allora, i miei coetanei sono più che maggiorenni e allora come cavolo me lo spiegate che la situazione non è cambiata??? Probabilmente sono io ad essere sbagliata ma aiutatemi a capire questi maledetti Pokemon, a classificarli, ad inquadrarli in una qualsiasi categoria di interesse!!!

Cioè, parliamoci chiaro, Wikipedia stessa ci fornisce una definizione dei Pokemon che già di per se basterebbe per vincere una potenziale causa: “creature immaginarie chiamate Pokémon, che gli umani possono catturare, allenare e far combattere per divertimento”. Ecco, adesso venitemi pure a raccontare che sono io la prevenuta e spiegatemi come una persona, o meglio come un umano (Wikipedia docet), dotata di intelletto, per di più adulta, dovrebbe trovare divertente catturare con il proprio Smartphone delle creature immaginarie?!

Vi chiedo aiuto veramente! Spiegatemi come si fa a non considerare assurdo tutto questo:

Dopo aver visto questo video, il mio amore per il genere umano è stato messo a durissima prova, ma non volevo rischiare di fare la figura dell’ignorante che considera da scemi qualcosa soltanto perché non lo capisce e allora mi sono decisa ad aprirmi al nuovo, facendo delle domande sistematiche che vi riporterò minuziosamente. Per non urtare le sensibilità del mio interlocutore lo chiamerò Little Jackets, nome di pura fantasia.

Io: Ma quindi, spiegami in cosa consiste questo Pokemon Go?

L.J.: In pratica bisogna acchiappare quanti più Pokemon possibile e puoi scegliere a quale palestra far parte delle tre a disposizione

Io: ah, e che cos’è una palestra?

L.J.: una palestra è un luogo virtuale basato su luoghi reali in cui i Pokemon combattono

Io: ah ok, ma qual è l’obiettivo finale, si vince qualcosa?

L.J.: no no

Io: Perché allora tutta questa passione?

L.J.: ma perché ci gioco da sempre e ora è più figo perché li trovo in giro, insomma è la realtà aumentata…

Non so voi, ma io dopo la conversazione che vi ho appena mostrato non ho veramente più parole e l’unico interrogativo che rimane è questo: ma se uno deve andare alla ricerca di una simile realtà aumentata, come vedrà la realtà reale?

Bah, io continuo gelosamente a conservare tutto il mio odio e lascio ai posteri l’ardua sentenza!

 

Per leggere l’articolo di Simone “Cinque buoni motivi per amare Pokémon Go” clicca qui!

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